If Love is For Children Then I'll be a Kid
by nkb99
Summary: "Tell me are you afraid of love?" "Love is for children." "Then I'll be a kid." Natasha left not just because of red on her ledger but because of Bucky and Steve. Bucky came back when she was sure he was dead and she's falling for Steve this was a mistake. Steve went to find Natasha after Bucky came back...his in love with Nat what happens when he finds about her past with Bucky?
1. Chapter 1

**So, CA2 was awesome and I cannot get it out of my head...why the heck I'm writing a Fanfic when I already have two? I have no clue... really this is just a preview of the story. Tell me if you want a continuation and I will continue but if not, I guess it will just have to wait in the cluster of other fanfic's I have on a shelf. P.S. this does go off the movie but...there maybe spoilers for a possible CA3...**

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**Chapter 1:**

Steve and Sam stood in the middle of a cold and snow filled woods; in front of a cabin where the infamous Natasha was so called staying. They had been looking for her for over a year. They were about to give up until Steve realized that hadn't looked in Russia yet.

"I really hope she's here." Sam huffed resting on a tree out of plain sight

"She is." Steve said he took out his phone dialing Natasha's number. He waited a few minutes till they saw movement in the living room. Sam lightly chuckled as Natasha stumbled over to her phone.

"Steve?" Natasha huffed

"You're a very hard woman to get in contact with." Steve sighed

"Yeah, well I didn't want to be found." Natasha countered Steve hummed in agreement. "May I ask why you are calling?"

"Oh just wanted to see how you were doing." Steve shrugged

"You're still a horrible liar." Natasha laughed Steve smiled at the sound of Natasha's laugh he had missed that sound. Sam crossed his arms rolling his eyes silently saying move on.

"So…Coulson is alive." Steve said there was a minute of silence then Natasha took a shaky breath.

"That's great." She said Steve looked at Natasha's form as she slowly took a seat brushing her fiery hair over her shoulder.

"Yeah, his bringing S.H.I.E.L.D back together with a few of his agents." Steve responded

"I'm assuming he wants me back too?" She asked

"You're an avenger yes he wants you back." Steve laughed

"I…I can't not right now Steve." Natasha said "I'm too busy." She added Sam scoffed at that comment

"You're not alone?" Natasha asked

"No, I got my sidekick with me." Steve snickered

"I am not your sidekick!" Sam yelled Natasha laughed

"Glad to see his still around." She confessed

"Me too." Steve agreed

"Did you find Bucky?" Natasha asked there was a ray of hope in her voice that confused him.

"Yeah he is being debriefed by Hill." Steve answered

"What about Barton?" She insisted Steve ran a hand through his hair "Steve?"

"Yeah, but he doesn't want to come back…said it felt good to have a break." He lightly chuckled

"Was he with Bobbie?" Natasha asked

"Nat." Steve huffed

"Forget I ever asked." She stammered

"So, about you coming back to S.H.I.E.L.D that was never an option. You are coming back to S.H.I.E.L.D Nicole Rostov." Steve smirked Natasha quickly stood up looking around till she turned to her left and saw Steve and Sam lopsided smiles as they watched her face turn into shock.

"On your left!" Sam yelled Natasha rolled her eyes and laughed she put the phone down and walked outside leaning against the door raising an eyebrow.

"You're losing your touch Nat." Steve smiled

"Well it took you long enough to find me." Natasha countered Steve walked up to her looking down at her.

"But I found you didn't I?" He asked raising an eyebrow she rolled her eyes nodding. He gave a smile and inguffled her in a hug. "And I'm never letting you go again." Natasha felt something at the bottom of her stomach and she knew exactly what it was she quickly tried to suppress, this was not happening to her after everything. She was not going through this again. But the sad part was each time she told herself that it never worked and she knew it was defiantly not going to work in this case either.

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**I hope you liked, please leave a review. **

**also this may not be updated for a while...**

**Thanks for reading**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone so yeah I wrote another chapter, even though I promised self I wouldn't do this again start a new story when I haven't even finished at least one. Hope you like it! and apologies for any grammar errors I went over it a few times but it may not be perfect. **

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Chapter 2:

"So, how did you get the house?" Sam asked Natasha sat back smirking not giving him an answer. "C'mon Nat." Sam whined

"It was her parents." Steve mumbled Natasha looked at Steve in shock.

"How did you know that? That was top secret?" Natasha questioned Steve scratched the back of his head debating on answering that question.

"Bucky told me." Steve said Sam quietly excused himself knowing where this conversation was going he did not want to witness this. Natasha built her wall back up making sure Steve couldn't see the panic she was experiencing, what if the winter soldier started to remember more than Steve? What if he remembered what happened before he became the winter soldier…?

"Nat?" Steve asked she looked at him, his blue eyes showing concern. She started to study him she didn't get a good look of him before but he had a little scruff his hair was messy from searching the woods for her. His blue eyes seemed brighter like he was more alert and he looked like he had grown more muscles (if that is even possible). She realized how long she had been staring at him and cleared her throat. Leaning back she tilted her head to the side.

"Who's driving this helicarrier- scratch that how did you find it?" She asked Steve glanced to her right and she saw May standing there.

"I am." She said smirking Nat stood up and looked at May dumbfounded

"Yes, I am still alive, no I didn't brain wash Coulson." May said rolling her eye's

"So you two know each other?" Steve asked sighing in relief

"May, was the only agent besides Clint who could actually take me." Nat laughed

"You mean beat you." May challenged

"Please, that was once and I had a broken leg." Natasha protested May shrugged her shoulders and walked back to the front probably to check on Sam. Natasha turned to see Steve frowning and looking at his Stark phone.

"Everything alright?" She asked Steve looked up his jaw tense as he looked at her, but he played it off and smiled.

"Yeah, everything is perfect." Steve said Natasha folded her arms. Natasha let it be, she didn't like that Steve had gotten more secretive and guarded over the year, but she understood she left and didn't tell him where she was and it's not like she left on good terms, before Steve left to go look for Bucky he came to see her before she left…

***Flashback***

"Nat don't leave, we can figure this out." Steve begged she glared at him; sometimes he could be very frustrating. Why didn't he want her to leave? Had he teamed up with Maria and the FBI? Or did he know about her and Bucky? Oh god what if he did…what if he told Clint? Fury and Coulson already knew but no one else she didn't want to think about her past with the winter soldier even if some of it was pleasant.

"You know I have to my ledger is too red." She snapped Steve sighed in frustration.

"Then we'll show people you're on the good side now." Steve said Natasha scoffed and shook her head.

"You don't get it do you? I have stilled killed a lot of people Steve! I'm not like you, born good and stayed that way." Natasha spat Steve grabbed her arm searching her eyes.

"What are you hiding from me?" He hissed she snatched her arm away from him glaring at him. So he didn't know exactly but yet he still knew she was hiding something, she hated how easily he could read her, she hated how she would just willingly open up not even giving a fight. How could he do that? Break down every single one of Black Widow's wall that took years upon years to form?

"Nothing." She lied he laughed bitterly

"That's not true." He whispered

"You don't know me!" Natasha yelled Steve glared daggers at her making Natasha gasp she had never seen Steve so mad with her with anyone not even Fury.

"Maybe I would if you weren't so secretive." Steve spat she picked up the other files he had been looking for on Coulson and Bucky she threw them at his chest staring at him.

"I gave you what you want now leave me alone." She ordered Steve held the file sitting down on the couch, Natasha walked over to the door she looked at Steve on last time, and he glanced over his shoulder looking at her.

"I'll find you." He promised she held her file and turned around looking at him.

"We'll see about that." She scoffed Natasha felt herself crumble as she turned away going back into hiding, but something told her this wasn't the end even though she wanted so badly to be. She just wanted to be gone everyone would forget her and never mention her name again.

***End of Flashback***

Natasha looked at Steve, he was avoiding eye contact and she knew why. "I'm sorry." She barely whispered bright blue eyes met her and he looked confused. "I…was scared, didn't know what to do so I did what I'm best at, running." Natasha explained Steve sat down beside her.

"How do you know the winter soldier?" Steve questioned Natasha looked away. Should she tell him? Should she not? Steve was praying his assumptions were wrong he needed her to know how much she meant to him, how much he loved her; but if he was right and she was Bucky's girl in the past then everything was going downhill…fast

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**Thank you for reading and please leave a review. **


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